Constant sorrow...heartaches... disappointment

I feel awful today, its not like a sickly awful its more of like I really don't feel like getting out of bed or trying anymore awful. I wish I could change that and just feel normal and happy all the time. I've tried, recently I tried to fake it till I make it but things just seem to be getting harder and harder for me. I have made a big big decision that will probably cost me in the long run and I'm not happy at all. I have decided to quit my job and go back to work at Starbucks and work at Chuy's full time right before school starts. There are a lot of factors as to why I just don't want to be here anymore but it all boils down to I'm not happy here anymore, I feel like I'm just wasting my time. But I will not be working here come October, I know things are going to be harder working 2 jobs and getting paid less and having to go to school but hopefully being with people who love me will help me in this time of depression. I just feel so fucking lost right now. There are so many thing that are stressing me out right now, my car, my wedding dress, my financial situation and my living situation I just don't know where to start. I guess we already talked about my financial situation next on the list would be my fucking car. I have had that car for 4 yrs and now that I'm almost done paying it and I'm in dire straits it decides that it cant go on. I have to work twice as hard right now and I'm definately going to need my car now more than ever and its just falling apart. I don't really think my car will make it to the end of the fucking year and I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to to. I cant get another car right now, I don't have the money for a down payment, I haven't finished paying this one off and I cant even trade it in because its in my moms name and her credit is so fucked there really isnt any way she can help me. I am so scared that its going to die any day now and I need it to just be a trooper and last me for at least 4 more years. My living situation... well as of right now I'm living in my apartment. Mark and I were going to move into a really nice apartment at the complex we were looking at, he talked to a leasing agent on Monday and he was going to go on Saturday to sign the lease. Well he went this morning and it turns out that another dumb ass mother fucking leasing agent rented our apartment out and now yet again I have to compromise for a smaller fucking apartment that I don't want. It feels like I always have to compromise that's all I fucking do in life and I'm so fucking tired of it. I was so excited about our apartment and look where that fucking got me... disappointed, so whats the use of getting excited over anything it all seems to just lead to disappointment as of right now. Now my dress... well I already know what I want my dress to look like and I went to go see a seamstress yesterday and she told me straight up that she just couldn't do it. Seriously?! What kind of seamstress are you? My dress is so fucking simple I just don't understand how you cant make it. What she really meant to say is that she only likes to make traditional big poofy ass wedding dresses and I'm not that kind of girl, I know what I want and I'm not going to give up my dream wedding dress for a generic wedding dress that is easier for you to make. I know the look that I want for my wedding I don't have to compromise that for anyone and I'm not going to. So today An is coming over after work, we are going to go shop around for someone that can make my dress, get a little tipsy and watch some movies and just chill out and see if that will make me feel a little better. I'm done with people, I'm done compromising, I'm done being nice and trusting because its gotten me nowhere. So fuck it! So I guess this is going to be my last post until I start feeling like I give a shit again because right now my blog is the last thing on my mind. 

thank you all who read this and I am so sorry .

feeling inspirational

Omg I am so ready for this weekend. I dont know I feel very inspired. I want to work out like a crazy person this weekend. I want to go for a really long hike alone. I want to go and lay under a tree on a blanket with some bug spray and a good book. I mean school starts in exactly 54 days. I am so stoked, but when that happens that also means that I will not have as much free time as Id like to have. So I have to make the most of it now. Im feeling super inspired on a Friday so here are the things that are inspiring me today...

1. Hilary Duff on her wedding Day

This gorgeous dress and bouqet

This adorable drink dispencer and the pink sugar rimmed glasses

Hooray for Diner food YUMM

This awesome backyard set up SOOO DREAMY

How I plan out my life with Muffin

This adorable hairstyle

Zooey Deshanel

always inspiring to me



Cutie Patootie

This is what will inspire me to look and feel better everyday!



Have a great weekend dolls

The great cupcake charlie brown

So yesterday was not a day of relaxation. I took the day off yesterday to take care of things that were pending and I got everything done. I feel very very accomplished, even though now I'm going to be 8 hrs short on a check, that's the only suck ass part. After all was said and done I was driving home when I saw the "what's Up Cupcake trailer parked outside of one of the clubs on Washington. Muffin and I have seen it before and the idea of selling a cupcake out of  a 1954 Boles Aero Trailer is quite intriguing so I definitely had to pull over and get into some of that cupcake action. The cupcakes were 3 bucks each and they had some flavors I have heard of but never tried so... I figured I could get two, to test them out and see whats up. I got the Nutella one and Strawberry Limeade. I took my babies home, had a mini photo sesh with them and then ate one. The first one to go was the Nutella one. It was very sweet and just OK. It fell short of flavor and it wasn't even moist. Totally threw half of it away. I love love love cupcakes, they are a very integral part of me so I have to try every new flavor, and from every bakery possible. Cupcakes are meant to be a personal dessert, they take time and patience to decorate one small little cake for one person. they are my favorite dessert and I love a good presentation. These cupcakes had a good presence but they lacked flavor. I love Strawberry cupcakes, its my favorite cake but this was dis-gus-ting!.  Needless to say no one beats Crave cupcakes, they are hands down kick your ass good and everyone else just falls short. The only thing that I liked about What's up Cupcake was the name and the trailer, the trailer just tugs and tugs at my gypsy heartstrings. If you could travel and eat in the trailer that would be awesome too, like a travelling dessert diner... AWESOMENESS.

My excitement equals no one to talk to

Iam so stoked. I just got off the phone with the wonderful lady who will be taking on the project of making my wedding dress. I have never been more excited in my life. Now that we have the place where we are to wed I feel like everything is falling into place so now is the perfect time to start designing my dress. As you all know there are things that will be inspiring our wedding.

Rockabilly, 50s, Diners, Zombies, Picnics, Sweets and everything girly(just for me)

For  our wedding Muffin and I decided that we have a dress code... 50s attire only, I think its fun and there are so many crative things you can do with it.  So its only fitting that Muffin and I play the 50s part too, so my dress is going to be so much fun. I cant wait. Its so interesting... when I started this planning I had hoped for a Spring wedding in summer but now Im having a fall wedding. My favorite time of the year, I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. The place that we booked is so beautiful and we are going to have so much fun having our day come to life. With all the changes our color palette for this day has changed a bit, but not too much

. The decorations are still the same but the venue is so beautiful that we really don't need much. I can't wait I can't believe we found this adorable place here in Texas, who knew. I'm so excited to be able to share all my annoying excitement here, anywhere else and I probably wouldn't have any people who would want to talk to me!

Happy One Year

This weekend was one of the best weekends I have had in a really long time.
Saturday Muffin and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary and it was amazing. I really cant believe 1 year has already gone by. I love him so much, I thank God for bringing him into my life at a time when everything just seemed so hopeless and I needed someone that I could really count on.
So I was scheduled to work at Chuy's at night but I talked to one of the managers and she apparently took care of everything for me. THANK GOD!
So Saturday after our green chili fest meeting Muffin and I had to travel an hr away to go take a look at a reception place that I really needed to see in person. Online it looked like just what I have been hunting for. A cute chapel a really nice reception place and a beautiful landscape all in one. The place sold itself to Mark, who is the final decision maker and I am just tickled pink that we finally have our dream place. The only thing we really have to worry about now is catering, everything else I have under control. hopefully after I talk to my brides maids I have them all on board, I am just so happy that now we can really start planning our "Lovefest". I have a feeling that our wedding will be everything that I was hoping for and more and I cant wait to start crafting and making the cute center pieces and really get my decorations for the reception done. There are so many ideas that I have for the whole thing I cant wait.
OK OK just so you guys know I will be talking a bit more about our wedding and how the planning is going a lot more now that we have the place down, it all just seems so real now.
OK anyways so after all that I felt like we needed a nap so we came home and we slept for like an hour and a half and I had to get ready for our dinner and a movie. He made reservations for us at Maggianos and it was beautiful, and tasty and so romantic. we of course did take a few pics...

 

After dinner we went to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was so good. I don't care what people say, that movie was amazing. I really liked it there were certain parts in which I did sneak a tear or two without letting Muffin know, it was good. Then it was time to come home and snuggle and just love on each other for the few hours we had left. It was such a good night I cried and freaked Muffin out. I just felt so loved by him and I knew that it was going to end soon and I was going to have to wait a whole week to see him again. I hate that, I definitely cant wait till we have our very own apartment where he really wont have to listen to anyone and just be with me all the time because its OUR apartment. Its going to be so lovely, come on October I'm so ready for you.

Cure for the Monday Blues

Yay MONDAY. Im so happy today, I just woke up in such an amazing mood. Im supposed to go get my hair cut today but Im still debating it. I don't know Im so scared to cut it because Im really trying to grow it out but its just not growing whatsoever :(
I had one of the best weekends ever,but that will come later. Right now I must get on with my usual post of the Cure for the Monday Blues.

1. This wonderful man that will soon be my husband

2.This adorable wedding cake topper that Im going to remake to go with our wedding

3. These super sexy shoes that Im thinking about getting as my wedding shoes

4.Closing the deal on our wonderful Reception place with Muffin this Weekend.
We officially know where exactly we are having the wedding, so let the wedding planning begin :) We are keeping it a secret for now the only clue I can give out is this

5.This adorable wedding shoot

6. This is what I want my hair to look like for my wedding minus the teal color, Im pretty sure Muffin wont like that

7.This super cute wedding dress and the tights of her brides maids

8.This flask idea for my girls

9.This awesome eye liner

10. Celebrating one wonderful year of being with Muffin

Bad day please go away

So yesterday I was in a pretty good mood, I was listening to my good mood play list for most of the day and then decided to switch it up and listen to Korn. I had forgotten how much I actually loved that band. Their first CD will always be my favorite, when I would feel like such an outcast in high school, they were my best friends and that CD helped my cope with how mean high school girls can be. Seriously I think your teen years are what shape you. I was such a nerdy little depressed, angry girl when I was in high school. I never thought I was pretty, I didn't think I was worth while, I didn't attempt to date I was just weird. I focused more on other things. I was the funny girl, I was super sarcastic and weird, I knew more about art and music than anything else. That awkwardness is what makes me , me now. I'm not shy anymore, I'm not socially awkward, I can talk to anyone and make friends easily, I have a wide range of taste in music, I know a lot about makeup and fashion and I am beautiful. I love myself now more than I ever did and I know I am worth more than anything. I cant believe how far I have come, and that CD made me remember how hard my teen years were and what helped me cope. Now when I'm having problems with girls anywhere I feel like Korn will be there for me.

On other news I freaking had an accident yesterday after work. I was pulling out from the street I work on into a busy street. I didn't see anyone coming except an 18 wheeler that was turning onto the street I was coming from. So I go for it apparently that truck blocked more of the street view than I thought because I almost hit a Ford Ranger. Luckily I slammed on my breaks and so did he. It all happened so slowly and if he would have swerved over he probably wouldn't of hit me. He just scraped the front of my car with the front of his truck and tore off my license plate. But the mother fucker wanted to file a report since it was in a company car, now I just have to wait and see what the fuck is going to happen. Its sad because I was trying so hard to not swell on the bad that everything was going to be OK and then this shit happened. I'm really hoping that today is a much better day. I will be going to work at Chuy's tonight, Hopefully its a good night and I get to work with the people I like to talk to. Maybe I might stay after work and have a drink. I know they all like to go get drinks outside of Chuy's on Fridays. I might join them today, but maybe not. I might be too tired and I will be having Muffin come over in  the morning and I will be having to get up super early for our green chili festival meeting at Chuys. All I'm asking for is a good day!