The real Skinny File post

Hey guys ok Iam so sorry about not talking about weight yesterday.
So I still weigh the same, I have been eating really well too I dont get it I think my body is at a plateu and I need a breaker!!! I have been tracking my food on my fitness pal and I stay under 1200 calories. The only time I have time to exercise now is on the weekends. Im hoping to break on through this weekend though. I am going to go jogging in the morning before hanging out with my friends and then after we hangout Im going to do it again. Then Sunday I will run in the morning, in the afternoon I will go to the gym in my apt complex and do weights and circuit training. I need to lose some major pundage. I am so sick of being stuck at 194. Im also so sick of losing weight everywhere but my stomach which is protruding. Seriously I think I could fit into smaller pants if my belly and waist would start slimming down. Before I couldnt get into pants because my thighs were so big pants could never go up all the way. Now all pants are loose in my thighs, and butt but fit perfect on my waist. AHHHHHHHHHHH this is so lame. Also I dont even have to wear a freaking bra now if I dont want to because my boobs have just disappeared. LAME! I wish I could tell that I have lost 30 pounds just by looking at me, you cant even really tell in my face. Its soooo upsetting. Today I resent my goals to 1100 calories a day and I will be working out 4 times a week at least an hour and 30 mins. Lets see if that changes anything.

 So I have started a new blog, I needed a fresh start so here it is
The Kats Meow

Hope you all read it I love you guys have a great day

The skinny Files

OMG guys I know today I was supposed to post the skinny files but please bear with me I have had so much work today and then it was my job to make the office look more festive and halloween and I had to take care of that, and let me tell you it looks awesome I am so proud of myself. Iam not allowed to really take pictures in here so I cant show you guys but Iam pretty damn proud of myself.

I also have a test tonight in which I had to to a review for and a workbook and work sheets and since I get out so late and have to work so early, you better believe I dont stay up late to do homework and review. I get home I eat, take a shower, go to bed petting waffle, wake up make breakfast, lunch and get everything ready for work and school. I make sure Waffle has enough food to last him all day and then Im off to work and then school and rinse and repeat. This is my life and I am proud of it because withing nine months I will have my license and I can start my dream.

So tomrrow I will share my weightloss off to study some more before the test.

WISH ME LUCK GUYS :)

Bite the bullet

Morning ladies and gents I hope you are all having a fabulous Tuesday, I know Iam. The air this morning is cool and crisp and windy and fabulous, its finally starting to feel like Fall here in Houston. Iam so happy about that, now I can start wearing my oh so cute fall clothes. Ugh wait, I dont have any and do you know why? Well because since Ive lost weight all my clothes fits me horrible!!! Its loose in all the wrong places and it just looks bad. Another reason to go shopping :) am I right lol. Well anyways today is another great session of biting the bullet and I will see which of my goals were accomplished this week!!!

Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare Well this one has yet to be completed and it is the most important one!!! I was late yesterday guys and I was allowed into class but my hours werent counted because I could not clock in. This is ridiculous Im going to have to talk to my boss because I am not going to throw $11,000 down the drain by being late. 2 more tardies and I am kicked out :(

Not have any arguments with Muffin This one has happened because he is out of town for the next 3wks :'( I miss him so much I cry when I think about him nat laying next to me when its time for bed. I miss my cuddly Muffin
Not stress myself out about any little thing Totally stressing about work and school conflicting schedules holy shit this is the most stressful thing especially being 45 mins away from school and getting off and heading dead on into Houston Traffic. How the fuck am I going to make this work
Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body I havent done this one yet :( I really need to just to experience being in a wedding dress and seeing myself as a bride

Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat) I have done this but only for myself so they have been small and healthy :)
Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout OMG I totally did this on the weekend and I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I didnt even know I was so out of shape until she challenged me. I didnt get very far into the DVD but we shall try again this weekend ;)
Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends) Did this and I feel awesome I cant wait to do it again this weekend Im going to try to run twice a day both  Saturday and Sunday :)
Wear makeup more often Well since school started we actually have to wear makeup, like its in our handbook so now I have been wearing it alot more. Maybe now I will get back to my normakl girly self
Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;) Ive been doing this too. Being around beautiful people at school really makes me want to have a cute edgy style too so Ive been trying to keep up with the other girls
Buy a new blowdryer and straightener Still havent done this one I will soon with my discount :) but I just really havent had the extra cash

Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt Ugh Im so upset that I havent done this one either. Maybe I will soon I need to come up with a backup plan now that Muffin is gone
Have our Disney movie party Im thinking I will do this one fairly soon so dont worry guys!!!
Lose at least 10-15 lbs Im so pissed at myself and my body right now. I just dont understand it Ive been eating right and doing stuff and the weight isnt coming off, its fucking creeping back on. I hate it why is this so fucking hard?!
Eat in accordance to my diet not fall off the wagon I havent fallen off the wagon Im still on but Im considering beating the shit out of the driver
Be a better person definitely dont think Im a better person, I think last night was proof of that when I only thought about myself and not the rest of the world!!!
save at least 300 bucks Nope havent done this one either! :# ugh!!! After fixing my car this one is kinda hard

blog everyday Nope not even this one. Wow I suck this week!!!

The Cure for the Monday Blues

Sorry for not blogging Friday through Sunday its getting so hard for me to just find the time. I think Im just going to keep it as a Monday through Friday thing because it always seems that I have something major, or alot going on over the weekend. Friday night after I came home from school Muffin was transferred to Port Lavaca so I only had a couple of hours with him before he had to leave. After getting off school and getting home at learly 11pm I was super tired so we just laid down and held eachother for those few short hours we had together. I passed out and when I woke up I just cried and cried and cried because he left while I was sleeping. Omg it hurt so much to wake up alone and know that I wasnt going to see him for awhile so I cried and I cried hard. So I really wasnt in the mood for anything at all especially blogging. Being a full time  student and having a full time job really sucks the life out of you. I was so exhausted this weekend all I really wanted to do was lounge around and just be lazy but I had to get stuff done.  I also had my little sister this weekend which made things alot harder for me. She is way to energetic and I just couldnt keep up. I really just wanted to lounge and she wanted to go go go so it sucked.
I know that this weekend Im going to go to my Aunts 40th birthday and then its just going to be me time. I have no energy for anything else and I dont have any money to be spending so Im probably just going to rest, catch up on tv, jog, and rest some more.

Ok so now for a list of things I am loving today and keeping me going on this foggy, dreary Monday morning. Im really in need of some Christian time and I have a feeling that this weekend is going to be just that. Ugh some good ole Girly Christian Renee alone relaxation time!!!

-Missing Muffin and just thinking about all the fun and great things we do together, he really is my best friend and I love him so much
- Private one hour massage in the comfort of your own home. :) oh yea thats what Im talking about I didnt get one this weekend but I for sure am getting one next weekend
-Pedicures mmmm I totally want to get one soon with a nice glass of wine and a massage chair. Oh yes this will definitely help me destress. Maybe this weekend. I need to get me a good magazine or a good book and just go
-Chick flicks oh God how I love a good romantic comedy. I need to go see one but there arent any good ones. Im thinking this weekend Im going to rent bridemaids and open up a bottle of wine and just chill out
-Running, I may not be running fully but Im jogging and let me tell ya, it feels amazing. I went jogging this weekend 3 miles and my body is so sore but it feels good.
-Sleeping in, I will totally be doing this one
-Eating more fruits and drinking more water. I love what this is doing for my body and I love that Im in love with all the tastes of all the different fruits
-Aveda, last week was my first week of school and Ive learned so much about our philosophy and our products and Ive fallen in love eith it all. I can wait to get something done to my hair with our products and the best part is I get 50% off all services and 45% off all products for the first month :) I will definitely be using this soon
-Losing weight, after this weekend and seeing just what I kind do with my body at the weight I am right now I cant wait to lose the extra person of fat I have living inside of me and get out there and strengthen my body to its full potential.
Im definitely going to make this week a good one and I will leave the stress away from me because I never want to be in that amount of pain again. I want to be the best  me I can be and this weekend was a sneak peek and Im excited.


Well I will talk to you guys later :) Have a good Monday everyone

To scream or not to scream

So this past weekend I did a lot of fun things. Despite being in so much pain Muffin and I had free tickets to go to Nightmare on the Bayou which is supposedly a really scary haunted attraction in Houston so we definitely had to go. Ive only been to one Haunted attraction in my whole life... other than my homes.
I went to the Haunted Woods with my mom and her friends one year, I really don't remember how old I was but all I can say about that place is... lame. First of it wasn't cheap to get it but it was a totally cheap attraction, the monsters sucked and they didn't even try to scare you. I hated it and I vowed never to spend my money on lame ass shit like that.
This place was completely different, I felt like the people working there really love what they do. They seriously tried so hard to scare me. It was alot of fun. At first I was getting super creeped out because as people where going in and getting scared you could hear them screaming so of course I started to get freaked out. Muffin was in front of my so my plan was to bury my face into his back and not look at the things coming to get us lol. As we went in we had VIP passes so we didn't have to spend time in the awful lines, so that was cool yay points for them! Once you went in it was super dark and I started getting creeped out and we had to go through a tunnel and that's when I lost him. I mean we were still kinda holding hands but it was hard because they had like this inflatable shit on both sides of the wall so you had to like squeeze through it to keep going. AHHH CLAUSTROPHOBIA SETTING IN lol. It was sun though. Once we got through the monsters were coming at me at first they would not scare me and I would look straight at them it was fine, but they were not OK with that. I kinda would not pay attention to them after I passed them because I was more concerned about what might be coming at me so the ones I would pass up would creep around me and definitely scare me because I wasn't expecting it. It was so much fun I loved it. There was one point where I got really scared because there was a clown involved. I fucking hate clowns, they seriously freak me the fuck out.
So Muffin and I are at the entrance of the next site and we get 3D glasses. As we step in its fucking crazy, literally feels like you are tripping. Theres a strobe light going and glow paint every where and we go through this tunnel that is super colorful and definitely feels crazy with the strobe light and naked ragged baby dolls hanging from the ceiling. I wasn't paying attention but I started to feel really scared because I felt like leather face was going to pop out at some point or some creepy ass creature from House of 1000 Corpses or something so I started clinging on to Muffin. As we are passing up this room I hear someone enter the same room behind me so I am totally freaked out, too freaked out to turn around so I kinda look down and back and catch a glimpse of a clown shoe and clown pants and my heart starts racing I freak the fuck out!!! I claw my way to the front and use Muffin as a barricade between me and the clown and omg it was the fucking scariest clown Ive ever seen all gross and fat and decaying and evil. I got passed a bridge and totally left Muffin at the clown bridge I didn't care about what else was going to get me I just didn't want that fucking thing on my ass again. AHHHHHHHH so scary. Muffin came back I made sure he stayed behind me the entire time after that. We made it out, great night I totally want to go to another one. Maybe with my friends because I don't think that after I shove them at the monsters and run I wont feel as bad as when I did it with Muffin. Supposedly I'm marrying this man and that is not the type of behavior I should be having lol.

I fucking love October the best things are happening... Renaissance Festival, Fall Festivals, Oktoberfest, Pumpkin patch fun and hay rides, omg so many things I want to do

I want to have a candy apple party
I want to have a pumpkin carving party
I want to have a girls slumber party with junk food and our favorite Disney princess movies and alcohol of course
I want to have a scary movie marathon night
I want to go to Renfest
I want to go to a fall festival
I want to go to more haunted houses
I want to go to Six Flags Fiesta Texas before it closes again till summer time
I want to go pick pour pumpkins from a pumpkin patch and go on a hay ride
I want to go to a costume party

I'm thinking about what I want to be this year and its either a she wolf, a french dead clown, Minnie Mouse or a droog from a clockwork Orange. Hmmm decisions decisions lol
Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!!!

The Skinny Files

OMG what the hell is wrong with me guys!!!
All this time I had taken a blogging break I was completely dedicated to losing weight and being thin and healthy and cute. Why cant I get my groove back? I cant seem to be motivated like I was back in August. I am so sick and tired of being the fat girl, the fat friend ugh I just want to be thin. I seriously don't feel like I'm meant to be the weight that I am maybe that's why I cant accept myself the way that I am. I just want to wake up thin. It is so fucking hard trying to lose weight. I mean seriously I have lost 31 lbs already but I still feel so fucking fat. pants are still tight around my waist. They may be baggy in my general butt region and in my thighs but not my gad forsaken waist!!! I hate this shit, all of my clothes look so fucking unflattering, my pants are big in all the wrong places, my face looks the same, my stomach definitely doesn't look like its lost 31 pounds and my boobs have gone down 1 size so now they are smaller. This is not making me feel at all better about my body I'm so pissed. Every day its a struggle when I'm at home living with a man that can eat whatever the hell he wants and not gain any weight. UGH!!!!
This is making me so angry. I try hard every day. In the mornings I eat either 1 cup of oatmeal with Stevia or 1cup of cereal with enough nonfat milk to moisten the cereal so I know its less than a cup. I drink plenty of water like 6 20oz water bottles a day before lunch then I have green beans with meat steamed in the microwavable steaming bags  or a salad with balsamic vinegar. If I'm still hungry I have a fruit. Then before I leave I have a Oikos Greek yogurt cup and I'm OK for a bit. then while I'm at home I make dinner, meat loaf with veggies in it no rice egg or crackers to hold this baby together, pasta salads, tuna more veggies. But it is very hard when you have a picky eater in the house. Like he may say hes not picky but he totally is when it comes to eating healthy and it makes shit so much harder for me. Especially when he buys delicious junk food and I want to eat it because I see him eat it. When Mark cooks he makes microwavable meals that are full of preservatives, they are delicious but so un healthy its like all he knows how to cook is shit that would clog your arteries and makes you fucking fat. I'm not going to lie its fucking delicious but I try so hard during the day it doesn't even fucking matter when I come home to this. i don't know what to fucking do any more. I really really want to lose weight. I'm so tired of being fat. I started gaining weight when I was 10 yrs old. Not a significant amount but I did start gaining. I mean I was still pretty small in the 6th grade but then every year it just kept getting worse and worse. I remember my mom and grandma telling me to start dieting at 12. 12 people like seriously what fucking 12 year old diets?! Looking back I wasn't even that fat. It got bad around age 15 that's when I couldn't even bear to look at myself anymore. My grandmother would bribe me and tell me that f I lost 10 lbs she would take me on a shopping spree. Seriously what girl wouldn't want to go on a shopping spree? Of course I tried and then I gave up and then I stopped caring and then I packed on some more weight. So here I sit at 196 lbs, yes I fucking gained 2lbs and I'm feeling completely miserable about my size. I want to be at 125 of 130 and it just seems such a life time away. I want to do it though, I want to be healthier, I want to be thin, I want my appearance to be that of a fit healthy lovely lady and I never want to be thin again. I need to keep trying, I need to work out till I cant anymore I need this dammit like Ive never needed anything else before. I'm hoping by this time next week I will have good things to say about this long hard road to hotness. I will not give up, I will not give in and I will try more right now!!!
I cant be that girl anymore. The girl I want to be is confident, has great arms and legs, beautiful curly hair and  can do anything she wants. She doesn't let anything get in her way. She is strong both physically and mentally and is fearless. The rest of this year will be spent chiseling that lost beauty in the mess she has blubbery become.
Thanks for reading guys.

Bite the bullet

So last Tuesday I made myself a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish this is what I have done so far...

• Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare Not so much because traffic is unbearable in Houston, I only got there with 5 mins to spare. I hope today its different dammit

• Not have any arguments with Muffin Nope I decide to nit pick at every damn thing which causes minor arguements :( Im trying to get better I swear!
• Not stress myself out about any little thing

• Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body  Nope I got sick and just never got around to it plus I cry when I look at myself in the mirror now I just dont want to do that in public

• Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat)

• Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout Ugh why must I be so danm lazy, Muffin wakes me up every morning when he leaves for work yet I decide to roll over and continue to snooze :( tomorrow will be a different story I promise no more slacking

• Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends) No I got sick and just didnt feel like getting out of bed, this weekend I promise Saturday and Sunda are made for running!!

• Wear makeup more often

• Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;)

• Buy a new blowdryer and straightener Instead I saved my money and got my car fixed ;) definite win

• Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt This Im definitely going to do, it may not be with Muffin but I have my girl friends :) The monthi is still young lol hahaha

• Have our Disney movie party I know Muffin isnt going to be here for this but I can invite some girlfriends over and still do this :) eek like a girls slumber party 80s style lol

• Lose at least 10-15 lbs definitely doing this one I have a total of 31 lbs to lose before the end of this year I need to get crackin

• Eat in accordance to my diet  Nope I cant keep thinking about it as a diet bc thats how I fail, and nope Ive been eating junk :( so I fail

• Not fall off the wagon I dont think Ive fallen off completely bc I make healthy choices everyday its just some days Im too tired to care and I make one  bad   move
• Be a better person
• save at least 300 bucks
• blog everyday

I think all in all Im still doing pretty good maybe by next week I can scratch some of these off!!!