Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Chicken noodle soup for a bad day

I have just been in such a funky mood as of late. Ever feel like you’re drowning and you just keep treading water and trying so hard to keep your head above the water but it just seems so useless because you are being pulled under? This is how I feel and have been feeling for the past two weeks. I try to be happy and calm but inside I’m a complete mess and I need help. Mark tries and tries to make me happy I can see it but just one little slip up from him and I’m irritated and it leads to one huge blowout of an argument. Lately we just argue so much and it’s not him, he is who he is; its me. Im so unhappy with my own life, that I’m making our life together miserable. I love him so much I’ve never been so in love with a person in my life. He is my one and only I need to find a way to make myself happy so I won’t make him run for the hills. I feel so useless at times, I feel like I’m wasting my time working as a receptionist because I’m living pay check to pay check and struggling a little more. Maybe it’s because I no longer live at home but instead I live in the greater heights of Houston, and I have only one job and I have to pay for everything, to at least have a comfortable life. I wish things were easier. I wish I hadn’t dropped out of college and stuck to a major that was actually making me a little more money than what I’m making right now. I’m missing Mark so much right now because he cant come over since we are trying to save money.I need im there his presence just makes me happy. I talked to him on my lunch and things just sound so much better, life seems so much easier after talking to him. I actually feel like I can breathe now. This is why I am marrying him, because he makes makes my life worth living. Omg I totally have to step up my game and start working out more I need to lose more poundage please!!!
Ok well I have to go need to get some food Im thinking Niko Nikos chicken soup tonight and maybe a night walk with my babe

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