Thursday, October 20, 2011

The real Skinny File post

Hey guys ok Iam so sorry about not talking about weight yesterday.
So I still weigh the same, I have been eating really well too I dont get it I think my body is at a plateu and I need a breaker!!! I have been tracking my food on my fitness pal and I stay under 1200 calories. The only time I have time to exercise now is on the weekends. Im hoping to break on through this weekend though. I am going to go jogging in the morning before hanging out with my friends and then after we hangout Im going to do it again. Then Sunday I will run in the morning, in the afternoon I will go to the gym in my apt complex and do weights and circuit training. I need to lose some major pundage. I am so sick of being stuck at 194. Im also so sick of losing weight everywhere but my stomach which is protruding. Seriously I think I could fit into smaller pants if my belly and waist would start slimming down. Before I couldnt get into pants because my thighs were so big pants could never go up all the way. Now all pants are loose in my thighs, and butt but fit perfect on my waist. AHHHHHHHHHHH this is so lame. Also I dont even have to wear a freaking bra now if I dont want to because my boobs have just disappeared. LAME! I wish I could tell that I have lost 30 pounds just by looking at me, you cant even really tell in my face. Its soooo upsetting. Today I resent my goals to 1100 calories a day and I will be working out 4 times a week at least an hour and 30 mins. Lets see if that changes anything.

 So I have started a new blog, I needed a fresh start so here it is
The Kats Meow

Hope you all read it I love you guys have a great day

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The skinny Files

OMG guys I know today I was supposed to post the skinny files but please bear with me I have had so much work today and then it was my job to make the office look more festive and halloween and I had to take care of that, and let me tell you it looks awesome I am so proud of myself. Iam not allowed to really take pictures in here so I cant show you guys but Iam pretty damn proud of myself.

I also have a test tonight in which I had to to a review for and a workbook and work sheets and since I get out so late and have to work so early, you better believe I dont stay up late to do homework and review. I get home I eat, take a shower, go to bed petting waffle, wake up make breakfast, lunch and get everything ready for work and school. I make sure Waffle has enough food to last him all day and then Im off to work and then school and rinse and repeat. This is my life and I am proud of it because withing nine months I will have my license and I can start my dream.

So tomrrow I will share my weightloss off to study some more before the test.


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Bite the bullet

Morning ladies and gents I hope you are all having a fabulous Tuesday, I know Iam. The air this morning is cool and crisp and windy and fabulous, its finally starting to feel like Fall here in Houston. Iam so happy about that, now I can start wearing my oh so cute fall clothes. Ugh wait, I dont have any and do you know why? Well because since Ive lost weight all my clothes fits me horrible!!! Its loose in all the wrong places and it just looks bad. Another reason to go shopping :) am I right lol. Well anyways today is another great session of biting the bullet and I will see which of my goals were accomplished this week!!!

Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare Well this one has yet to be completed and it is the most important one!!! I was late yesterday guys and I was allowed into class but my hours werent counted because I could not clock in. This is ridiculous Im going to have to talk to my boss because I am not going to throw $11,000 down the drain by being late. 2 more tardies and I am kicked out :(

Not have any arguments with Muffin This one has happened because he is out of town for the next 3wks :'( I miss him so much I cry when I think about him nat laying next to me when its time for bed. I miss my cuddly Muffin
Not stress myself out about any little thing Totally stressing about work and school conflicting schedules holy shit this is the most stressful thing especially being 45 mins away from school and getting off and heading dead on into Houston Traffic. How the fuck am I going to make this work
Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body I havent done this one yet :( I really need to just to experience being in a wedding dress and seeing myself as a bride

Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat) I have done this but only for myself so they have been small and healthy :)
Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout OMG I totally did this on the weekend and I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I didnt even know I was so out of shape until she challenged me. I didnt get very far into the DVD but we shall try again this weekend ;)
Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends) Did this and I feel awesome I cant wait to do it again this weekend Im going to try to run twice a day both  Saturday and Sunday :)
Wear makeup more often Well since school started we actually have to wear makeup, like its in our handbook so now I have been wearing it alot more. Maybe now I will get back to my normakl girly self
Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;) Ive been doing this too. Being around beautiful people at school really makes me want to have a cute edgy style too so Ive been trying to keep up with the other girls
Buy a new blowdryer and straightener Still havent done this one I will soon with my discount :) but I just really havent had the extra cash

Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt Ugh Im so upset that I havent done this one either. Maybe I will soon I need to come up with a backup plan now that Muffin is gone
Have our Disney movie party Im thinking I will do this one fairly soon so dont worry guys!!!
Lose at least 10-15 lbs Im so pissed at myself and my body right now. I just dont understand it Ive been eating right and doing stuff and the weight isnt coming off, its fucking creeping back on. I hate it why is this so fucking hard?!
Eat in accordance to my diet not fall off the wagon I havent fallen off the wagon Im still on but Im considering beating the shit out of the driver
Be a better person definitely dont think Im a better person, I think last night was proof of that when I only thought about myself and not the rest of the world!!!
save at least 300 bucks Nope havent done this one either! :# ugh!!! After fixing my car this one is kinda hard

blog everyday Nope not even this one. Wow I suck this week!!!

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Cure for the Monday Blues

Sorry for not blogging Friday through Sunday its getting so hard for me to just find the time. I think Im just going to keep it as a Monday through Friday thing because it always seems that I have something major, or alot going on over the weekend. Friday night after I came home from school Muffin was transferred to Port Lavaca so I only had a couple of hours with him before he had to leave. After getting off school and getting home at learly 11pm I was super tired so we just laid down and held eachother for those few short hours we had together. I passed out and when I woke up I just cried and cried and cried because he left while I was sleeping. Omg it hurt so much to wake up alone and know that I wasnt going to see him for awhile so I cried and I cried hard. So I really wasnt in the mood for anything at all especially blogging. Being a full time  student and having a full time job really sucks the life out of you. I was so exhausted this weekend all I really wanted to do was lounge around and just be lazy but I had to get stuff done.  I also had my little sister this weekend which made things alot harder for me. She is way to energetic and I just couldnt keep up. I really just wanted to lounge and she wanted to go go go so it sucked.
I know that this weekend Im going to go to my Aunts 40th birthday and then its just going to be me time. I have no energy for anything else and I dont have any money to be spending so Im probably just going to rest, catch up on tv, jog, and rest some more.

Ok so now for a list of things I am loving today and keeping me going on this foggy, dreary Monday morning. Im really in need of some Christian time and I have a feeling that this weekend is going to be just that. Ugh some good ole Girly Christian Renee alone relaxation time!!!

-Missing Muffin and just thinking about all the fun and great things we do together, he really is my best friend and I love him so much
- Private one hour massage in the comfort of your own home. :) oh yea thats what Im talking about I didnt get one this weekend but I for sure am getting one next weekend
-Pedicures mmmm I totally want to get one soon with a nice glass of wine and a massage chair. Oh yes this will definitely help me destress. Maybe this weekend. I need to get me a good magazine or a good book and just go
-Chick flicks oh God how I love a good romantic comedy. I need to go see one but there arent any good ones. Im thinking this weekend Im going to rent bridemaids and open up a bottle of wine and just chill out
-Running, I may not be running fully but Im jogging and let me tell ya, it feels amazing. I went jogging this weekend 3 miles and my body is so sore but it feels good.
-Sleeping in, I will totally be doing this one
-Eating more fruits and drinking more water. I love what this is doing for my body and I love that Im in love with all the tastes of all the different fruits
-Aveda, last week was my first week of school and Ive learned so much about our philosophy and our products and Ive fallen in love eith it all. I can wait to get something done to my hair with our products and the best part is I get 50% off all services and 45% off all products for the first month :) I will definitely be using this soon
-Losing weight, after this weekend and seeing just what I kind do with my body at the weight I am right now I cant wait to lose the extra person of fat I have living inside of me and get out there and strengthen my body to its full potential.
Im definitely going to make this week a good one and I will leave the stress away from me because I never want to be in that amount of pain again. I want to be the best  me I can be and this weekend was a sneak peek and Im excited.

Well I will talk to you guys later :) Have a good Monday everyone

Thursday, October 13, 2011

To scream or not to scream

So this past weekend I did a lot of fun things. Despite being in so much pain Muffin and I had free tickets to go to Nightmare on the Bayou which is supposedly a really scary haunted attraction in Houston so we definitely had to go. Ive only been to one Haunted attraction in my whole life... other than my homes.
I went to the Haunted Woods with my mom and her friends one year, I really don't remember how old I was but all I can say about that place is... lame. First of it wasn't cheap to get it but it was a totally cheap attraction, the monsters sucked and they didn't even try to scare you. I hated it and I vowed never to spend my money on lame ass shit like that.
This place was completely different, I felt like the people working there really love what they do. They seriously tried so hard to scare me. It was alot of fun. At first I was getting super creeped out because as people where going in and getting scared you could hear them screaming so of course I started to get freaked out. Muffin was in front of my so my plan was to bury my face into his back and not look at the things coming to get us lol. As we went in we had VIP passes so we didn't have to spend time in the awful lines, so that was cool yay points for them! Once you went in it was super dark and I started getting creeped out and we had to go through a tunnel and that's when I lost him. I mean we were still kinda holding hands but it was hard because they had like this inflatable shit on both sides of the wall so you had to like squeeze through it to keep going. AHHH CLAUSTROPHOBIA SETTING IN lol. It was sun though. Once we got through the monsters were coming at me at first they would not scare me and I would look straight at them it was fine, but they were not OK with that. I kinda would not pay attention to them after I passed them because I was more concerned about what might be coming at me so the ones I would pass up would creep around me and definitely scare me because I wasn't expecting it. It was so much fun I loved it. There was one point where I got really scared because there was a clown involved. I fucking hate clowns, they seriously freak me the fuck out.
So Muffin and I are at the entrance of the next site and we get 3D glasses. As we step in its fucking crazy, literally feels like you are tripping. Theres a strobe light going and glow paint every where and we go through this tunnel that is super colorful and definitely feels crazy with the strobe light and naked ragged baby dolls hanging from the ceiling. I wasn't paying attention but I started to feel really scared because I felt like leather face was going to pop out at some point or some creepy ass creature from House of 1000 Corpses or something so I started clinging on to Muffin. As we are passing up this room I hear someone enter the same room behind me so I am totally freaked out, too freaked out to turn around so I kinda look down and back and catch a glimpse of a clown shoe and clown pants and my heart starts racing I freak the fuck out!!! I claw my way to the front and use Muffin as a barricade between me and the clown and omg it was the fucking scariest clown Ive ever seen all gross and fat and decaying and evil. I got passed a bridge and totally left Muffin at the clown bridge I didn't care about what else was going to get me I just didn't want that fucking thing on my ass again. AHHHHHHHH so scary. Muffin came back I made sure he stayed behind me the entire time after that. We made it out, great night I totally want to go to another one. Maybe with my friends because I don't think that after I shove them at the monsters and run I wont feel as bad as when I did it with Muffin. Supposedly I'm marrying this man and that is not the type of behavior I should be having lol.

I fucking love October the best things are happening... Renaissance Festival, Fall Festivals, Oktoberfest, Pumpkin patch fun and hay rides, omg so many things I want to do

I want to have a candy apple party
I want to have a pumpkin carving party
I want to have a girls slumber party with junk food and our favorite Disney princess movies and alcohol of course
I want to have a scary movie marathon night
I want to go to Renfest
I want to go to a fall festival
I want to go to more haunted houses
I want to go to Six Flags Fiesta Texas before it closes again till summer time
I want to go pick pour pumpkins from a pumpkin patch and go on a hay ride
I want to go to a costume party

I'm thinking about what I want to be this year and its either a she wolf, a french dead clown, Minnie Mouse or a droog from a clockwork Orange. Hmmm decisions decisions lol
Have a wonderful Thursday everyone!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Skinny Files

OMG what the hell is wrong with me guys!!!
All this time I had taken a blogging break I was completely dedicated to losing weight and being thin and healthy and cute. Why cant I get my groove back? I cant seem to be motivated like I was back in August. I am so sick and tired of being the fat girl, the fat friend ugh I just want to be thin. I seriously don't feel like I'm meant to be the weight that I am maybe that's why I cant accept myself the way that I am. I just want to wake up thin. It is so fucking hard trying to lose weight. I mean seriously I have lost 31 lbs already but I still feel so fucking fat. pants are still tight around my waist. They may be baggy in my general butt region and in my thighs but not my gad forsaken waist!!! I hate this shit, all of my clothes look so fucking unflattering, my pants are big in all the wrong places, my face looks the same, my stomach definitely doesn't look like its lost 31 pounds and my boobs have gone down 1 size so now they are smaller. This is not making me feel at all better about my body I'm so pissed. Every day its a struggle when I'm at home living with a man that can eat whatever the hell he wants and not gain any weight. UGH!!!!
This is making me so angry. I try hard every day. In the mornings I eat either 1 cup of oatmeal with Stevia or 1cup of cereal with enough nonfat milk to moisten the cereal so I know its less than a cup. I drink plenty of water like 6 20oz water bottles a day before lunch then I have green beans with meat steamed in the microwavable steaming bags  or a salad with balsamic vinegar. If I'm still hungry I have a fruit. Then before I leave I have a Oikos Greek yogurt cup and I'm OK for a bit. then while I'm at home I make dinner, meat loaf with veggies in it no rice egg or crackers to hold this baby together, pasta salads, tuna more veggies. But it is very hard when you have a picky eater in the house. Like he may say hes not picky but he totally is when it comes to eating healthy and it makes shit so much harder for me. Especially when he buys delicious junk food and I want to eat it because I see him eat it. When Mark cooks he makes microwavable meals that are full of preservatives, they are delicious but so un healthy its like all he knows how to cook is shit that would clog your arteries and makes you fucking fat. I'm not going to lie its fucking delicious but I try so hard during the day it doesn't even fucking matter when I come home to this. i don't know what to fucking do any more. I really really want to lose weight. I'm so tired of being fat. I started gaining weight when I was 10 yrs old. Not a significant amount but I did start gaining. I mean I was still pretty small in the 6th grade but then every year it just kept getting worse and worse. I remember my mom and grandma telling me to start dieting at 12. 12 people like seriously what fucking 12 year old diets?! Looking back I wasn't even that fat. It got bad around age 15 that's when I couldn't even bear to look at myself anymore. My grandmother would bribe me and tell me that f I lost 10 lbs she would take me on a shopping spree. Seriously what girl wouldn't want to go on a shopping spree? Of course I tried and then I gave up and then I stopped caring and then I packed on some more weight. So here I sit at 196 lbs, yes I fucking gained 2lbs and I'm feeling completely miserable about my size. I want to be at 125 of 130 and it just seems such a life time away. I want to do it though, I want to be healthier, I want to be thin, I want my appearance to be that of a fit healthy lovely lady and I never want to be thin again. I need to keep trying, I need to work out till I cant anymore I need this dammit like Ive never needed anything else before. I'm hoping by this time next week I will have good things to say about this long hard road to hotness. I will not give up, I will not give in and I will try more right now!!!
I cant be that girl anymore. The girl I want to be is confident, has great arms and legs, beautiful curly hair and  can do anything she wants. She doesn't let anything get in her way. She is strong both physically and mentally and is fearless. The rest of this year will be spent chiseling that lost beauty in the mess she has blubbery become.
Thanks for reading guys.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Bite the bullet

So last Tuesday I made myself a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish this is what I have done so far...
  • Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare Not so much because traffic is unbearable in Houston, I only got there with 5 mins to spare. I hope today its different dammit

  • Not have any arguments with Muffin Nope I decide to nit pick at every damn thing which causes minor arguements :( Im trying to get better I swear!
  • Not stress myself out about any little thing

  • Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body  Nope I got sick and just never got around to it plus I cry when I look at myself in the mirror now I just dont want to do that in public

  • Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat)

  • Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout Ugh why must I be so danm lazy, Muffin wakes me up every morning when he leaves for work yet I decide to roll over and continue to snooze :( tomorrow will be a different story I promise no more slacking

  • Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends) No I got sick and just didnt feel like getting out of bed, this weekend I promise Saturday and Sunda are made for running!!

  • Wear makeup more often

  • Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;)

  • Buy a new blowdryer and straightener Instead I saved my money and got my car fixed ;) definite win

  • Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt This Im definitely going to do, it may not be with Muffin but I have my girl friends :) The monthi is still young lol hahaha

  • Have our Disney movie party I know Muffin isnt going to be here for this but I can invite some girlfriends over and still do this :) eek like a girls slumber party 80s style lol

  • Lose at least 10-15 lbs definitely doing this one I have a total of 31 lbs to lose before the end of this year I need to get crackin

  • Eat in accordance to my diet  Nope I cant keep thinking about it as a diet bc thats how I fail, and nope Ive been eating junk :( so I fail

  • Not fall off the wagon I dont think Ive fallen off completely bc I make healthy choices everyday its just some days Im too tired to care and I make one  bad   move
  • Be a better person
  • save at least 300 bucks
  • blog everyday
I think all in all Im still doing pretty good maybe by next week I can scratch some of these off!!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Cure for the Monday Blues

Morning Guys
So Im feeling really good about today being Monday and Im so excited that I had such an amazing weekend. This weeks list for things I am loving today is coming from my love of my weekend.


Zombie makeup tutorials

Liquid Latex

 Haunted Houses XD

Trick or Treat

Ben Nye Cream Makeup
Nike + IPOD

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Be kind to me

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Mother Teresa

Wise words from a lovely little lady

The Wonderful life of Cupcake and Muffin

Well Guys this past week is what we are all wondering about. What the hell has gotten into Christian and wow she really is back lol. I know its what you are all thinking. I mean there really wasn't a point not to get back into it. I mean I loved it, it took my mind off of things while I was typing and it also took a lot of things off of my chest so why not. I love writing, I may not be very good at it but I love it. I have kept a journal for about 5 years now and I love it. Writing really helps me out with stress and depression and to me its worth it even if I do suck lol. I guess what I want to talk about is what the hell is going on with me as of right now health wise and also let you know what went on this week that I didn't right about in each weekly post.  Now on to my story...

So coming back to blogging wasn't hard at all I kind of focused more on some of the good things that were happening in my life, although there wasn't much. I mean I had Muffin, he was a big help with his advice and all his love and support, there was also my weight loss which motivated me alot but there were alot of other things happening that kept trying to crunch me down and keep me down.
The problems I was having were at Chuy's omg I am so happy I didn't quit my "real" job to work full time at that shit hole. I know that I said I hated my day job but dealing with people pretending to be your friend and then talking shit behind your back and being fake pretentious assholes really takes you back to the dark side of high school. When I left high school I was happy leaving that bullshit behind I mean seriously we are all adults here come the fuck on. At my day job shit really wasn't as bad as it seemed to me I was just so sick of having to sit at a desk and waste away, you know what I mean. I want to be doing something, I want to be working in an eviornment where there is room for growth and I wont be stuck being a receptionist for the rest of my life, but here, no this is all I will ever amount to be so of course I became depressed and wanted out. Seriously I never knew people could be so mean and insensitive I went home and cried almost every night I had to close at fucking Chuys. This is where alot of my stress came from but alot of it also came from my sister. Her negativity and complaining and insults really started to get to me. Dealing with the bullshit from Chuy's, being depressed about going no where with my day job and then having to listen to my sister compare her problems to mine, hate on Muffin and just bitch bitch bitch and make me sound like a shitty daughter, grandaughter and sister and then drop out of the wedding and not talk to me. Yes we got into a big fight Wednesday and she dropped out as my Maid of Honor, she told me how much she hated Muffin, that I was "too pretty" to be with him, that I could do better, that he is a selfish asshole and  that since Im choosing him over her she wants nothing to do with my life and her children dont either. All this aweful negative shit started to get to me and then the back pains started. At first it started in my neck and head, I kept having constant headaches every day and this pain in my shoulders. The pain started to shoot down from my neck all the way down my spine to my hips and it just started to spread. Seriously I felt like I was getting sick. It was almost my last week at Chuys. Monday came and I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I mean everyone at my office had it and I had body aches and it felt like I was going to get a fever it was definately the flu. So Muffin rubbed icy/hot all over my body and bought me flu meds and it felt like I was getting better but why the fuck was my body still hurting. On the day before my last day at Chuys I felt so fucking bad. I could barely move my body hurt so much. I called in, they got my last 2 shifts covered and it was Sayonara Chuys. I didnt feel good though, I slept alot but I was always tired my body hurt so bad I would just cry and cry and cry and make Muffin feel bad for not beign able to do something about it. Friday was the worse the pain was so bad my hands, legs and feet started to go numb while Muffin and I were at Michael's(I wanted to make a Halloween wreath for our new place) and walmart buying crafting goods. I felt bad but I had promised that we would craft and carve a pumpkin and all this other fun stuff we kinda had to do it so I went home sat in bed and started my wreath, I finished it and we decorated the patio with Halloween lights, we carved a pumpkin and we watched Trick or Treat it was one of the best days ever. It was freaking late too and I started feeling shitty. I took 6 Advils and passed out. Saturday we ran errands and turned in my keys to my old apartment and never looked back. We went shopping for food for our party because we were going to throw a Dexter premier party and we needed junk food but the pains started and they were bad bad bad I felt like I couldnt walk anymore like the strength from my legs was diminishing, I needed to go home. When we got back home I just started crying but not just crying balling, screaming on my knees hunched over with my face on my thighs just rocking back and forth, it was bad. Muffin called my mom she said to go to the ER and thats what we did. They diagnosed me with viral pharyngitis gave me a steriod shot, pain shot and pain meds and sent me home. This is where Iam at right now. I feel good not super good but better than a couple of hours ago and its 3am. I think its time for bed we shall see what tomorrow brings us.
Thanks for listening guys.

Friday, October 7, 2011


So today I guess I should talk about how planning my fall wedding is going. Well lets just put it this way its freaking hard and now I know why some women go crazy.
So far Muffin and I have decided on a venue that we really really liked. Its called the Antique Rose Emporium, its in Brenham, Texas. Its a beautiful venue and it was in our price range. I was torn between having to choose either having our wedding inside or outside and this way we can have both. The place comes with a beautiful chapel, a rose garden, a gazebo, an antique looking house so we can all get dressed in, and a cute little covered area where we can have our tables set up, It has a quaint little fountain in the middle and its open. I love it. With the rental price comes all of that, a 2 day rental (set up friday and wedding saturday) of the facility and 120 chairs and 20 something tables. Its perfect because our guest list was originally only going to be 100 people. Now as we are in the actual planning of the event I'm going through the process of elimination in the guest list department. But I seriously cant wait to start making the decorations and start creating things for our wedding. Its going to be a blasty blast.

This is the place. The front look at our chapel

This is the way it looks when everything is starting to grow again

This is the entry way to the garden
 This is the inside of the chapel

 This is a black and white picture of the chapel

 This is where our reception will be held
Side note: all of these pictures were taken off of google I don't know the sources so if any one knows where these pictures came from please let me know and I will give credit for them. Thank you

As for food we have yet to find a caterer for our diner food. Since it is in Brenham we have few selections and there are 3 old school diners that we really liked that don't cater diner food which is very disappointing. This has proven to be the hardest part of it all. Ive even considered changing the menu but it breaks my heart because we had planned to have fun delicious food to go with the 50s theme. Any ideas on what we could do please let me know because my mind is running blank. We wanted to keep the wedding under 10,000 I'm hoping to keep it at 7,000 more than that and I think I might have a heart attack. Why when it comes to wedding people just gouge prices as if there isn't a recession going on? Hopefully something will come along.

We have found the person that will perform our ceremony we need to meet up with him soon to start couple counseling and start talking about the ceremony and wedding vows and all that jazz. His name is Albert Archie Jr. Ive known him for 3 years or more now. We met when he started working at Starbucks and we became good friends. He is such an amazing and giving person and really knows me well. I love him and it makes me so happy that he will be performing our ceremony. He is also a rapper and very involved in his church so now you understand why I never questioned my decision. I feel like he is the right man for the job. You can friend him or just check him out on facebook, he is hilarious and the sweetest preacher man I will ever meet.

My cake... oh my cake. Well this is awesome I'm very very excited for my cake. Its going to be beautiful and fondant free. Why? Well because I hate the taste of fondant of course. The person baking my cake and the grooms cake is non other than Archie's dad Chef Albert Archie. I am so excited about our cake he did an ex friend of mine cake and it was delicious and beautiful so he was my first choice and also because I knew him and he is just as sweet as his son. Muffin and I are going to be meeting up with him soon to make some decisions about the cake and do a cake tasting  and just finalize the plan with him. I'm very very excited about cake.

As for my dress I still haven't found a seamstress to make it  so I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do. I may have to order it from the Whirling Turban. I loved a dress there but I wanted to combine some parts of another dress that I really liked, so what I'm thinking is if I don't find someone to help me make my dream dress then I will just order the dress and ask my grandmother to add some pearls and beading to it. The bridesmaids... well I found someone to make their dresses on Etsy. The girl that I'm dealing with is amazing her name is Jan she is from Denver, CO and she is the most wonderful person that Ive had to deal with in the whole wedding process. She is very understanding and she has helped me made some decisions about the dresses and I think the dresses are going to turn out very cute. She works really fast, I started talking to her about making the dresses in the middle of last month for 5 bridesmaids. She is already finished with all of the dresses and is waiting on the final payment from some of the girls to ship them out. I love her. If you are thinking about having a rockabilly inspired wedding and want to get your bridesmaids dresses custom made I completely recommend her she owns her little shop called bombshell bridal and she is truly the bees knees. We had a little problem with my sister dropping out of the wedding in the process of Jan making her dress and she flipped my sisters dress and is making my flower girl, my little sister her dress instead. Which will be similar to the rest of the girls but not quite. I'm so excited and very pleased with her service so far and I cant wait to see the dresses.

That's all I have for now I hope to be able to talk about my wedding a little bit more next time, maybe with a caterer in mind or a photographer or maybe starting on crafting. I'm very excited and I cant wait for October 27, 2012.

Thanks for reading guys

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Love notes

Today Im writing a letter to myself. I feel like I need this now more than ever because Im only sabotoging myself.

My Lovely Christian,

I know right now you feel very insecure about yourself. I can see that you have stopped caring about so many things that used to bring you so much joy. This, whats happeing in your life right now is a minor hiccup to the greatest adventure you will endure. Please dont give up on yourself, learn to love yourself more than anyone. This is something to learn from and I feel you should take it for what it is and just roll with it. Take better care of yourself, treat yourself every once in awhile and definitely let go of all that hatred you have for yourself because Christian you are beautiful and definitely worth while. I love you plese plese plese take better care of yourself. Eat healthy but dont limit yourself, excersice but dont over do it and just embrace who you are. People love you and do care about you. You have so many things going for you stop stressing out over things that arent important because they are really hurting and affecting your health. Keep those friends who do love you close and the ones who are hurting you just drop them they are extra baggage you really dont need. People like to use you Christian because you are a very loving and giving person, dont let them. You are no ones door mat!!! You come first. Remember that you and your health and your happiness come before everyone elses. Mark loves you and supports you stop the bickering because you are only hurting and stressing yourself out over nothing.

I love you please please please take care of yourself.

Love, Suki

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Skinny Files

Hey Guys so I hope you all are having a great Wednesday, I stayed home from work today to go to the doctor so Ive just been chillaxing. I have been resting all day. I have been having a lot of back and neck pains and today was one of the worse days in pain and it just keeps getting worse. I had Muffin come home from work to take me to the doctor because it was very difficult for me to turn my head from left to right and I was scared to drive. My boss wanted me to call an ambulance because I couldn't even talk to her I was crying in pain so much, she was scared and she knew I was alone. Have you ever been on an ambulance? I haven't, I was way too scared to call one and I didn't want to be in an ambulance all by myself I wanted Muffin there with me.  So we went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I really don't know how I feel about this I mean I guess it should be expected because I am the girl who gets weird diseases and weird awful shit happens to me all the time so this is my lot in life. I feel fucking shitty!!! All I wanted today after I got home from the doctors office was for Muffin to lay in bed and hold me because I felt like shit and that didn't happen. I was fucking depressed and I felt like my world was crumbling and falling apart and I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok. But I guess I dont fucking deserve that because that never fucking happens in my life. All he did was get himself something to eat, watch Sons of Anarchy and then play video games all fucking day. Even as Im typing this we are in separate rooms and not really talking, what a great fucking life right?! I feel like crap why arent men ever there for you when you really need them. I hate having to ask him to do things like that for me he should already know that when I feel sick I want him to baby me, but I guess I cant ever expect that from him because he cant express those feelings. Maybe one day, I mean a girl can always dream right?!
Anyways I guess I should start writing about weigh/weight loss now...
Before the pains started I was doing really good. Since my last post in August I have lost at least over 30lbs. I was so proud of myself I hadn't noticed how much weight I had lost until my friend Tasha mentioned it to me. I went from weighing 225 5lbs less than Mark to 194 that's 31 lbs since August. All I had been doing was changing the way I ate and not drinking any soft drinks nothing but water. I hadn't even incorporated working out yet. I was about to start working out when the back pains started. I was so excited and pumped, I wanted to start running and training for a marathon. That was my goal to run a marathon by next year. Nothing major just a starter marathon then start building up more and more endurance and then eventually run a half marathon. Since the back pains have started my diet has gone out the window and I just have no motivation to do anything. I just really have no energy anymore and all I want to do is be in a really hot bath or sleeping how can I expect to lose weight. Well today is the last god damn day Im going to let my skinny dream go out the window. Im going to keep going. I was starting to have more confidence in myself once the fat was melting off, I want to feel that again. I haven't gained much just 2lbs but still those are 2 lbs that don't need to be on my body. By December I want to weigh between 160-170 that's 31 more lbs to lose I don't think that it should be that hard but the motivation is the hardest part in this part of my life. That's where this blog comes in. I don't like to portray my life as a lie and I tell the truth here I know not many people that I know don't really read this blog especially now since they think I have given up on blogging anyways so it makes things way easier. Most of the time I exclude people of certain information about my life because Im scared of being judged but I feel like when I blog about it I get it out of my system and Im not really being judged. I mean whoever reads my blog reads it because they want to know about my life if they didn't then they don't have to read it so I know that when Im writing something someone out there reading it really gives a shit about what I have to say. So when Im at a weak point in this weight loss journey I will be turning to this blog for support and motivation. Im getting back on that damn bumpy ass wagon and holding on for dear life because I have less than 2 months to drop another 31lbs. Even if I dont drop the full 31 lbs I just want to drop a significant amount to where I can buy a cute dress for our christmas party.

All right guys I guess thats all for today. Till tomorrow :)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Bite the Bullet

so today Im thinking my list will consist of things I want to accomplish this month!!!

  • Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare
  • Not have any arguments with Muffin
  • Not stress myself out about any little thing
  • Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body
  • Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat)
  • Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout
  • Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends)
  • Wear makeup more often
  • Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;)
  • Buy a new blowdryer and straightener
  • Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt
  • Have our Disney movie party
  • Lose at least 10-15 lbs
  • Eat in accordance to my diet
  • Not fall off the wagon
  • Be a better person
  • save at least 300 bucks
  • blog everyday
This list is for the entire month hopefully I can accomplish all of these I will update this list every Tuesday until the first Tuesday of next month when I post my new list of things I want to accomplish for the next month.
Talk to you guys soon

Monday, October 3, 2011

Cure for the Monday Blues

OMG Seriously after this weekend I can definately feel Fall in my bones. Fall is my favorite time of the year hands down! I wish the Autumn/Fall season in Texas were as beautiful as in other parts of the U.S kinda like up North. But alas a girl can always dream right?! So This weeks edition for the cure we are having Fall mania because I just can contain myself ahhhhhh. Hot chocolate, picnics, long walks in great weather, scarves, sweaters, tights with shorts, oxfords, beanies, beautiful foliage, scary movie marathons, halloween parties, costumes, trick or treating, pumpkin carving, hay rides, haunted houses, halloween, pumpkin pies, pies galore, apple cider "These are a few of my favorite things..."

fall issue...

Plaids for Fall


 Omg incredible I get this tingly feeling all over my body and ugh I get super duper excited. I cant wait till I get out of Texas and live somewhere where I will be the one taking pictures like these *dreams*

ok bye guys happy monday. oh and by the way these pictures came from weheartit and polyvore

Sunday, October 2, 2011


Hello fellow bloggers and followers I am happy to say that I broke free of my rut and I am back!!! I really was considering deleting my little blog and never posting about my life again but then I had a revelation. It actually came to me in the form of a dream, I believe alot in dreams and I felt that I needed to start blogging again, so here I am.

Life has actually taken a huge turn for me compared to how it was in my last post. I am happily living with Muffin in our very own amazing apartment with waffle of course. I love it, I think the best part is being able to role over and feel Muffin next to me sleeping soundly and having him with me all the time. Now I dont have to share him with anyone its just us and I love it. I have decided not to leave LMC, the company really isnt for me but it is a great company to work for and the people I work with are pretty fun people. My job can be pretty boring at times but I cant complain it gives me time to blog, read books, google things, get inspiration for our wedding and study when school starts, so I decided that I should stay put for now at least until I finish school then I can leave and pursue other endeavors.  School actually starts pretty soon October 12th to be exact and Im all set up and ready to rock. Recently Ive undergone some changes and they have been good for the most part and I wanted to incorporate them into my blog so I decided that since Im back to blogging, my little blog needs some sprucing up. I decided that I want to incorporate some themes into my little place on the net so this is what I came up with...

  • Cure for the Monday Blues - Well this has been a part of my blog for awhile and I love it, it really gets my mornings going so I thin it stays. This is where I post pictures and list all the things that are inspiring me that dreaded Monday morning.
  • Bite the Bullet-  I am a very organized person by nature and I love love love making lists so on these days I will be making a bullet list of things I want to do, things I did, things I like,  just cool orderly bullet lists
  • The Skinny Files - I have been doing so good with my weight loss lately, better than I have before and I want to be able to talk about my accomplishments, my goals, my struggles and maybe by talking about the long hard road to the perfect bod it will make it easier for me to stick to this life goal. At times I may need some encouragement, and that's when you lovely readers can help me out.
  • Hello Muffin Lover - I know Muffin reads my little internet life so this is where he is welcome to come on in and tell us whats up in his world and just get his little spot on the blog
  • Weddingland Dreams- This is where I talk about the wedding, post wedding inspirations, accomplishments, struggles and funness
  • The Wonderful life of Cupcake and Muffin- This is just like a diary section, daily life pretty much anthing I would want to talk about.
  • Through the looking Glass- which will be my life in pictures. Sometimes I just like to post pictures of things that we did, ate, Muffin, Waffle just my life in general and I will, and it will be called "Through the looking Glass
Iam sooo excited. I cant wait to start blogging soon. I will see you guys later got to go bond with waffle while Im home.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Constant sorrow...heartaches... disappointment

I feel awful today, its not like a sickly awful its more of like I really don't feel like getting out of bed or trying anymore awful. I wish I could change that and just feel normal and happy all the time. I've tried, recently I tried to fake it till I make it but things just seem to be getting harder and harder for me. I have made a big big decision that will probably cost me in the long run and I'm not happy at all. I have decided to quit my job and go back to work at Starbucks and work at Chuy's full time right before school starts. There are a lot of factors as to why I just don't want to be here anymore but it all boils down to I'm not happy here anymore, I feel like I'm just wasting my time. But I will not be working here come October, I know things are going to be harder working 2 jobs and getting paid less and having to go to school but hopefully being with people who love me will help me in this time of depression. I just feel so fucking lost right now. There are so many thing that are stressing me out right now, my car, my wedding dress, my financial situation and my living situation I just don't know where to start. I guess we already talked about my financial situation next on the list would be my fucking car. I have had that car for 4 yrs and now that I'm almost done paying it and I'm in dire straits it decides that it cant go on. I have to work twice as hard right now and I'm definately going to need my car now more than ever and its just falling apart. I don't really think my car will make it to the end of the fucking year and I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to to. I cant get another car right now, I don't have the money for a down payment, I haven't finished paying this one off and I cant even trade it in because its in my moms name and her credit is so fucked there really isnt any way she can help me. I am so scared that its going to die any day now and I need it to just be a trooper and last me for at least 4 more years. My living situation... well as of right now I'm living in my apartment. Mark and I were going to move into a really nice apartment at the complex we were looking at, he talked to a leasing agent on Monday and he was going to go on Saturday to sign the lease. Well he went this morning and it turns out that another dumb ass mother fucking leasing agent rented our apartment out and now yet again I have to compromise for a smaller fucking apartment that I don't want. It feels like I always have to compromise that's all I fucking do in life and I'm so fucking tired of it. I was so excited about our apartment and look where that fucking got me... disappointed, so whats the use of getting excited over anything it all seems to just lead to disappointment as of right now. Now my dress... well I already know what I want my dress to look like and I went to go see a seamstress yesterday and she told me straight up that she just couldn't do it. Seriously?! What kind of seamstress are you? My dress is so fucking simple I just don't understand how you cant make it. What she really meant to say is that she only likes to make traditional big poofy ass wedding dresses and I'm not that kind of girl, I know what I want and I'm not going to give up my dream wedding dress for a generic wedding dress that is easier for you to make. I know the look that I want for my wedding I don't have to compromise that for anyone and I'm not going to. So today An is coming over after work, we are going to go shop around for someone that can make my dress, get a little tipsy and watch some movies and just chill out and see if that will make me feel a little better. I'm done with people, I'm done compromising, I'm done being nice and trusting because its gotten me nowhere. So fuck it! So I guess this is going to be my last post until I start feeling like I give a shit again because right now my blog is the last thing on my mind. 

thank you all who read this and I am so sorry .

Friday, August 19, 2011

feeling inspirational

Omg I am so ready for this weekend. I dont know I feel very inspired. I want to work out like a crazy person this weekend. I want to go for a really long hike alone. I want to go and lay under a tree on a blanket with some bug spray and a good book. I mean school starts in exactly 54 days. I am so stoked, but when that happens that also means that I will not have as much free time as Id like to have. So I have to make the most of it now. Im feeling super inspired on a Friday so here are the things that are inspiring me today...

1. Hilary Duff on her wedding Day

This gorgeous dress and bouqet

This adorable drink dispencer and the pink sugar rimmed glasses

Hooray for Diner food YUMM

This awesome backyard set up SOOO DREAMY

How I plan out my life with Muffin

This adorable hairstyle

Zooey Deshanel
always inspiring to me

Cutie Patootie

This is what will inspire me to look and feel better everyday!

Have a great weekend dolls

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The great cupcake charlie brown

So yesterday was not a day of relaxation. I took the day off yesterday to take care of things that were pending and I got everything done. I feel very very accomplished, even though now I'm going to be 8 hrs short on a check, that's the only suck ass part. After all was said and done I was driving home when I saw the "what's Up Cupcake trailer parked outside of one of the clubs on Washington. Muffin and I have seen it before and the idea of selling a cupcake out of  a 1954 Boles Aero Trailer is quite intriguing so I definitely had to pull over and get into some of that cupcake action. The cupcakes were 3 bucks each and they had some flavors I have heard of but never tried so... I figured I could get two, to test them out and see whats up. I got the Nutella one and Strawberry Limeade. I took my babies home, had a mini photo sesh with them and then ate one. The first one to go was the Nutella one. It was very sweet and just OK. It fell short of flavor and it wasn't even moist. Totally threw half of it away. I love love love cupcakes, they are a very integral part of me so I have to try every new flavor, and from every bakery possible. Cupcakes are meant to be a personal dessert, they take time and patience to decorate one small little cake for one person. they are my favorite dessert and I love a good presentation. These cupcakes had a good presence but they lacked flavor. I love Strawberry cupcakes, its my favorite cake but this was dis-gus-ting!.  Needless to say no one beats Crave cupcakes, they are hands down kick your ass good and everyone else just falls short. The only thing that I liked about What's up Cupcake was the name and the trailer, the trailer just tugs and tugs at my gypsy heartstrings. If you could travel and eat in the trailer that would be awesome too, like a travelling dessert diner... AWESOMENESS.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My excitement equals no one to talk to

Iam so stoked. I just got off the phone with the wonderful lady who will be taking on the project of making my wedding dress. I have never been more excited in my life. Now that we have the place where we are to wed I feel like everything is falling into place so now is the perfect time to start designing my dress. As you all know there are things that will be inspiring our wedding.

Rockabilly, 50s, Diners, Zombies, Picnics, Sweets and everything girly(just for me)

For  our wedding Muffin and I decided that we have a dress code... 50s attire only, I think its fun and there are so many crative things you can do with it.  So its only fitting that Muffin and I play the 50s part too, so my dress is going to be so much fun. I cant wait. Its so interesting... when I started this planning I had hoped for a Spring wedding in summer but now Im having a fall wedding. My favorite time of the year, I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. The place that we booked is so beautiful and we are going to have so much fun having our day come to life. With all the changes our color palette for this day has changed a bit, but not too much
. The decorations are still the same but the venue is so beautiful that we really don't need much. I can't wait I can't believe we found this adorable place here in Texas, who knew. I'm so excited to be able to share all my annoying excitement here, anywhere else and I probably wouldn't have any people who would want to talk to me!

Happy One Year

This weekend was one of the best weekends I have had in a really long time.
Saturday Muffin and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary and it was amazing. I really cant believe 1 year has already gone by. I love him so much, I thank God for bringing him into my life at a time when everything just seemed so hopeless and I needed someone that I could really count on.
So I was scheduled to work at Chuy's at night but I talked to one of the managers and she apparently took care of everything for me. THANK GOD!
So Saturday after our green chili fest meeting Muffin and I had to travel an hr away to go take a look at a reception place that I really needed to see in person. Online it looked like just what I have been hunting for. A cute chapel a really nice reception place and a beautiful landscape all in one. The place sold itself to Mark, who is the final decision maker and I am just tickled pink that we finally have our dream place. The only thing we really have to worry about now is catering, everything else I have under control. hopefully after I talk to my brides maids I have them all on board, I am just so happy that now we can really start planning our "Lovefest". I have a feeling that our wedding will be everything that I was hoping for and more and I cant wait to start crafting and making the cute center pieces and really get my decorations for the reception done. There are so many ideas that I have for the whole thing I cant wait.
OK OK just so you guys know I will be talking a bit more about our wedding and how the planning is going a lot more now that we have the place down, it all just seems so real now.
OK anyways so after all that I felt like we needed a nap so we came home and we slept for like an hour and a half and I had to get ready for our dinner and a movie. He made reservations for us at Maggianos and it was beautiful, and tasty and so romantic. we of course did take a few pics...

After dinner we went to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was so good. I don't care what people say, that movie was amazing. I really liked it there were certain parts in which I did sneak a tear or two without letting Muffin know, it was good. Then it was time to come home and snuggle and just love on each other for the few hours we had left. It was such a good night I cried and freaked Muffin out. I just felt so loved by him and I knew that it was going to end soon and I was going to have to wait a whole week to see him again. I hate that, I definitely cant wait till we have our very own apartment where he really wont have to listen to anyone and just be with me all the time because its OUR apartment. Its going to be so lovely, come on October I'm so ready for you.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Cure for the Monday Blues

Yay MONDAY. Im so happy today, I just woke up in such an amazing mood. Im supposed to go get my hair cut today but Im still debating it. I don't know Im so scared to cut it because Im really trying to grow it out but its just not growing whatsoever :(
I had one of the best weekends ever,but that will come later. Right now I must get on with my usual post of the Cure for the Monday Blues.

1. This wonderful man that will soon be my husband

2.This adorable wedding cake topper that Im going to remake to go with our wedding

3. These super sexy shoes that Im thinking about getting as my wedding shoes

4.Closing the deal on our wonderful Reception place with Muffin this Weekend.
We officially know where exactly we are having the wedding, so let the wedding planning begin :) We are keeping it a secret for now the only clue I can give out is this

5.This adorable wedding shoot

6. This is what I want my hair to look like for my wedding minus the teal color, Im pretty sure Muffin wont like that

7.This super cute wedding dress and the tights of her brides maids

8.This flask idea for my girls

9.This awesome eye liner

10. Celebrating one wonderful year of being with Muffin