Tuesday, May 10, 2011

True friendship

So Im here sitting next to Mark as he is imitating the voice of Hank Hill and its really freaking me out. We just finished dinner and are just relaxing watching King of the Hill. I made chicken paella, it was super yum.
Ive been thinking a lot about the wedding and Im just so scared that I'am making the wrong decisions about some things. I also wonder if Im hurting some people because of my decisions. I just wish that things were different sometimes. I feel so alone right now and actually Ive been feeling pretty alone for awhile. I know I have Mark but a girl sometimes needs her girlfriends and right now that's exactly what Im missing. I have not been working at Starbucks for 2 months and I haven't been a full time Starbucks employee in almost a year. Not being there all the time has made me feel like Im losing the most amazing friends I have ever had. I haven't really had much communication with them I miss my friends so much, I don't know if its just me but I feel so left out of their lives and it just hurts so much. I feel so alone, I thought that leaving Starbucks would be better for me and it is, financially but its detrimental to my friendships I had made there. I thought that when I left things were still going to be the same between us but I feel like Im the one putting in all the effort and Im just tired of a one sided friendship. Now since Ive quit trying, its not like it made anything better. Now I don't hear from any of them at all, its like whatever happened between us. I feel like when I see them  now its like we are complete strangers and we are just drifting apart and that is not something Ive ever wanted.
I have been through a lot of hard times and some of those girls were there for me at my weakest most darkest moments in life and I wish they were still with me so I wont have to face these rough times alone.
I've managed to let many people slip out of my life that I was close to and I still miss them. I don't want these people and a select few Ive made in college to never ever part. I just want them to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I hope things get better between us and things will go back to how they used to be because even though I have Mark i still miss my friends. 

""  It is crazy to think how different your life would be if you never met those few people 
that changed everything"     - Anonymous 

"" A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself"     - Jim Morrison 

"  Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave but impossible to forget"     - Anonymous


  1. I totally know what you're going through. There's something about the dynamic of Starbucks, the people that we worked with specifically, that feels so solid and real; forever. For the most part, that's all very true. I've been away for two years and I still feel like I'm able to step in and be close with everyone that I worked with, but I do have to make the effort. That's the hardest part. You have to make the effort and it's not always fun. It can feel like you deserve better and you pull away.

    Not everyone will make you feel that way. I am proud of my relationship with Jenn and with Dimas. I still feel close to you, even though we don't always get to see each other, and that's a wonderful benefit.

    I offer this to you all of the time, and it's not going to change; you have me. I'm your friend. If you need to talk, call me. Write me. Whatever. I won't always be pregnant. We can make time for each other. I think that getting to see you on Saturday will be lovely and it will be a great way to get back in to the swing of things.

    I don't know who's tossing you over, but I feel like it's temporary. People get distracted, but your friends will always come back to you.

    Much love, my beautiful cupcake.

  2. I know how you feel too girly. I missed you and several other people after I quit working there. Thats why I have tried my hardest to stay in touch with you. You are one of the best friends I have ever had and I wont ever let you get away from me without a fight.

    You are amazing. I love you. Call me whenever you need to talk. I can listen and talk for HOURS....You know its true. ^_^

    love you

  3. Thank you both I love you both so very much and thanks for reading and helping me out. Chessy I cant wait to see you and the cupcake oven lol and Falicia you keep baking that little cupcake until shes nice and fluffy.