Be kind to me

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Mother Teresa

Wise words from a lovely little lady

The Wonderful life of Cupcake and Muffin

Well Guys this past week is what we are all wondering about. What the hell has gotten into Christian and wow she really is back lol. I know its what you are all thinking. I mean there really wasn't a point not to get back into it. I mean I loved it, it took my mind off of things while I was typing and it also took a lot of things off of my chest so why not. I love writing, I may not be very good at it but I love it. I have kept a journal for about 5 years now and I love it. Writing really helps me out with stress and depression and to me its worth it even if I do suck lol. I guess what I want to talk about is what the hell is going on with me as of right now health wise and also let you know what went on this week that I didn't right about in each weekly post.  Now on to my story...

So coming back to blogging wasn't hard at all I kind of focused more on some of the good things that were happening in my life, although there wasn't much. I mean I had Muffin, he was a big help with his advice and all his love and support, there was also my weight loss which motivated me alot but there were alot of other things happening that kept trying to crunch me down and keep me down.
The problems I was having were at Chuy's omg I am so happy I didn't quit my "real" job to work full time at that shit hole. I know that I said I hated my day job but dealing with people pretending to be your friend and then talking shit behind your back and being fake pretentious assholes really takes you back to the dark side of high school. When I left high school I was happy leaving that bullshit behind I mean seriously we are all adults here come the fuck on. At my day job shit really wasn't as bad as it seemed to me I was just so sick of having to sit at a desk and waste away, you know what I mean. I want to be doing something, I want to be working in an eviornment where there is room for growth and I wont be stuck being a receptionist for the rest of my life, but here, no this is all I will ever amount to be so of course I became depressed and wanted out. Seriously I never knew people could be so mean and insensitive I went home and cried almost every night I had to close at fucking Chuys. This is where alot of my stress came from but alot of it also came from my sister. Her negativity and complaining and insults really started to get to me. Dealing with the bullshit from Chuy's, being depressed about going no where with my day job and then having to listen to my sister compare her problems to mine, hate on Muffin and just bitch bitch bitch and make me sound like a shitty daughter, grandaughter and sister and then drop out of the wedding and not talk to me. Yes we got into a big fight Wednesday and she dropped out as my Maid of Honor, she told me how much she hated Muffin, that I was "too pretty" to be with him, that I could do better, that he is a selfish asshole and  that since Im choosing him over her she wants nothing to do with my life and her children dont either. All this aweful negative shit started to get to me and then the back pains started. At first it started in my neck and head, I kept having constant headaches every day and this pain in my shoulders. The pain started to shoot down from my neck all the way down my spine to my hips and it just started to spread. Seriously I felt like I was getting sick. It was almost my last week at Chuys. Monday came and I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I mean everyone at my office had it and I had body aches and it felt like I was going to get a fever it was definately the flu. So Muffin rubbed icy/hot all over my body and bought me flu meds and it felt like I was getting better but why the fuck was my body still hurting. On the day before my last day at Chuys I felt so fucking bad. I could barely move my body hurt so much. I called in, they got my last 2 shifts covered and it was Sayonara Chuys. I didnt feel good though, I slept alot but I was always tired my body hurt so bad I would just cry and cry and cry and make Muffin feel bad for not beign able to do something about it. Friday was the worse the pain was so bad my hands, legs and feet started to go numb while Muffin and I were at Michael's(I wanted to make a Halloween wreath for our new place) and walmart buying crafting goods. I felt bad but I had promised that we would craft and carve a pumpkin and all this other fun stuff we kinda had to do it so I went home sat in bed and started my wreath, I finished it and we decorated the patio with Halloween lights, we carved a pumpkin and we watched Trick or Treat it was one of the best days ever. It was freaking late too and I started feeling shitty. I took 6 Advils and passed out. Saturday we ran errands and turned in my keys to my old apartment and never looked back. We went shopping for food for our party because we were going to throw a Dexter premier party and we needed junk food but the pains started and they were bad bad bad I felt like I couldnt walk anymore like the strength from my legs was diminishing, I needed to go home. When we got back home I just started crying but not just crying balling, screaming on my knees hunched over with my face on my thighs just rocking back and forth, it was bad. Muffin called my mom she said to go to the ER and thats what we did. They diagnosed me with viral pharyngitis gave me a steriod shot, pain shot and pain meds and sent me home. This is where Iam at right now. I feel good not super good but better than a couple of hours ago and its 3am. I think its time for bed we shall see what tomorrow brings us.
Thanks for listening guys.

Weddingland

So today I guess I should talk about how planning my fall wedding is going. Well lets just put it this way its freaking hard and now I know why some women go crazy.
So far Muffin and I have decided on a venue that we really really liked. Its called the Antique Rose Emporium, its in Brenham, Texas. Its a beautiful venue and it was in our price range. I was torn between having to choose either having our wedding inside or outside and this way we can have both. The place comes with a beautiful chapel, a rose garden, a gazebo, an antique looking house so we can all get dressed in, and a cute little covered area where we can have our tables set up, It has a quaint little fountain in the middle and its open. I love it. With the rental price comes all of that, a 2 day rental (set up friday and wedding saturday) of the facility and 120 chairs and 20 something tables. Its perfect because our guest list was originally only going to be 100 people. Now as we are in the actual planning of the event I'm going through the process of elimination in the guest list department. But I seriously cant wait to start making the decorations and start creating things for our wedding. Its going to be a blasty blast.

This is the place. The front look at our chapel

This is the way it looks when everything is starting to grow again

This is the entry way to the garden

 This is the inside of the chapel

 This is a black and white picture of the chapel

 This is where our reception will be held

Side note: all of these pictures were taken off of google I don't know the sources so if any one knows where these pictures came from please let me know and I will give credit for them. Thank you

As for food we have yet to find a caterer for our diner food. Since it is in Brenham we have few selections and there are 3 old school diners that we really liked that don't cater diner food which is very disappointing. This has proven to be the hardest part of it all. Ive even considered changing the menu but it breaks my heart because we had planned to have fun delicious food to go with the 50s theme. Any ideas on what we could do please let me know because my mind is running blank. We wanted to keep the wedding under 10,000 I'm hoping to keep it at 7,000 more than that and I think I might have a heart attack. Why when it comes to wedding people just gouge prices as if there isn't a recession going on? Hopefully something will come along.

We have found the person that will perform our ceremony we need to meet up with him soon to start couple counseling and start talking about the ceremony and wedding vows and all that jazz. His name is Albert Archie Jr. Ive known him for 3 years or more now. We met when he started working at Starbucks and we became good friends. He is such an amazing and giving person and really knows me well. I love him and it makes me so happy that he will be performing our ceremony. He is also a rapper and very involved in his church so now you understand why I never questioned my decision. I feel like he is the right man for the job. You can friend him or just check him out on facebook, he is hilarious and the sweetest preacher man I will ever meet.

My cake... oh my cake. Well this is awesome I'm very very excited for my cake. Its going to be beautiful and fondant free. Why? Well because I hate the taste of fondant of course. The person baking my cake and the grooms cake is non other than Archie's dad Chef Albert Archie. I am so excited about our cake he did an ex friend of mine cake and it was delicious and beautiful so he was my first choice and also because I knew him and he is just as sweet as his son. Muffin and I are going to be meeting up with him soon to make some decisions about the cake and do a cake tasting  and just finalize the plan with him. I'm very very excited about cake.

As for my dress I still haven't found a seamstress to make it  so I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do. I may have to order it from the Whirling Turban. I loved a dress there but I wanted to combine some parts of another dress that I really liked, so what I'm thinking is if I don't find someone to help me make my dream dress then I will just order the dress and ask my grandmother to add some pearls and beading to it. The bridesmaids... well I found someone to make their dresses on Etsy. The girl that I'm dealing with is amazing her name is Jan she is from Denver, CO and she is the most wonderful person that Ive had to deal with in the whole wedding process. She is very understanding and she has helped me made some decisions about the dresses and I think the dresses are going to turn out very cute. She works really fast, I started talking to her about making the dresses in the middle of last month for 5 bridesmaids. She is already finished with all of the dresses and is waiting on the final payment from some of the girls to ship them out. I love her. If you are thinking about having a rockabilly inspired wedding and want to get your bridesmaids dresses custom made I completely recommend her she owns her little shop called bombshell bridal and she is truly the bees knees. We had a little problem with my sister dropping out of the wedding in the process of Jan making her dress and she flipped my sisters dress and is making my flower girl, my little sister her dress instead. Which will be similar to the rest of the girls but not quite. I'm so excited and very pleased with her service so far and I cant wait to see the dresses.

That's all I have for now I hope to be able to talk about my wedding a little bit more next time, maybe with a caterer in mind or a photographer or maybe starting on crafting. I'm very excited and I cant wait for October 27, 2012.

Thanks for reading guys

Love notes

Today Im writing a letter to myself. I feel like I need this now more than ever because Im only sabotoging myself.


My Lovely Christian,

I know right now you feel very insecure about yourself. I can see that you have stopped caring about so many things that used to bring you so much joy. This, whats happeing in your life right now is a minor hiccup to the greatest adventure you will endure. Please dont give up on yourself, learn to love yourself more than anyone. This is something to learn from and I feel you should take it for what it is and just roll with it. Take better care of yourself, treat yourself every once in awhile and definitely let go of all that hatred you have for yourself because Christian you are beautiful and definitely worth while. I love you plese plese plese take better care of yourself. Eat healthy but dont limit yourself, excersice but dont over do it and just embrace who you are. People love you and do care about you. You have so many things going for you stop stressing out over things that arent important because they are really hurting and affecting your health. Keep those friends who do love you close and the ones who are hurting you just drop them they are extra baggage you really dont need. People like to use you Christian because you are a very loving and giving person, dont let them. You are no ones door mat!!! You come first. Remember that you and your health and your happiness come before everyone elses. Mark loves you and supports you stop the bickering because you are only hurting and stressing yourself out over nothing.

I love you please please please take care of yourself.

Love, Suki

The Skinny Files

Hey Guys so I hope you all are having a great Wednesday, I stayed home from work today to go to the doctor so Ive just been chillaxing. I have been resting all day. I have been having a lot of back and neck pains and today was one of the worse days in pain and it just keeps getting worse. I had Muffin come home from work to take me to the doctor because it was very difficult for me to turn my head from left to right and I was scared to drive. My boss wanted me to call an ambulance because I couldn't even talk to her I was crying in pain so much, she was scared and she knew I was alone. Have you ever been on an ambulance? I haven't, I was way too scared to call one and I didn't want to be in an ambulance all by myself I wanted Muffin there with me.  So we went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I really don't know how I feel about this I mean I guess it should be expected because I am the girl who gets weird diseases and weird awful shit happens to me all the time so this is my lot in life. I feel fucking shitty!!! All I wanted today after I got home from the doctors office was for Muffin to lay in bed and hold me because I felt like shit and that didn't happen. I was fucking depressed and I felt like my world was crumbling and falling apart and I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok. But I guess I dont fucking deserve that because that never fucking happens in my life. All he did was get himself something to eat, watch Sons of Anarchy and then play video games all fucking day. Even as Im typing this we are in separate rooms and not really talking, what a great fucking life right?! I feel like crap why arent men ever there for you when you really need them. I hate having to ask him to do things like that for me he should already know that when I feel sick I want him to baby me, but I guess I cant ever expect that from him because he cant express those feelings. Maybe one day, I mean a girl can always dream right?!
Anyways I guess I should start writing about weigh/weight loss now...
Before the pains started I was doing really good. Since my last post in August I have lost at least over 30lbs. I was so proud of myself I hadn't noticed how much weight I had lost until my friend Tasha mentioned it to me. I went from weighing 225 5lbs less than Mark to 194 that's 31 lbs since August. All I had been doing was changing the way I ate and not drinking any soft drinks nothing but water. I hadn't even incorporated working out yet. I was about to start working out when the back pains started. I was so excited and pumped, I wanted to start running and training for a marathon. That was my goal to run a marathon by next year. Nothing major just a starter marathon then start building up more and more endurance and then eventually run a half marathon. Since the back pains have started my diet has gone out the window and I just have no motivation to do anything. I just really have no energy anymore and all I want to do is be in a really hot bath or sleeping how can I expect to lose weight. Well today is the last god damn day Im going to let my skinny dream go out the window. Im going to keep going. I was starting to have more confidence in myself once the fat was melting off, I want to feel that again. I haven't gained much just 2lbs but still those are 2 lbs that don't need to be on my body. By December I want to weigh between 160-170 that's 31 more lbs to lose I don't think that it should be that hard but the motivation is the hardest part in this part of my life. That's where this blog comes in. I don't like to portray my life as a lie and I tell the truth here I know not many people that I know don't really read this blog especially now since they think I have given up on blogging anyways so it makes things way easier. Most of the time I exclude people of certain information about my life because Im scared of being judged but I feel like when I blog about it I get it out of my system and Im not really being judged. I mean whoever reads my blog reads it because they want to know about my life if they didn't then they don't have to read it so I know that when Im writing something someone out there reading it really gives a shit about what I have to say. So when Im at a weak point in this weight loss journey I will be turning to this blog for support and motivation. Im getting back on that damn bumpy ass wagon and holding on for dear life because I have less than 2 months to drop another 31lbs. Even if I dont drop the full 31 lbs I just want to drop a significant amount to where I can buy a cute dress for our christmas party.



All right guys I guess thats all for today. Till tomorrow :)

Bite the Bullet

so today Im thinking my list will consist of things I want to accomplish this month!!!

• Make it to school with at least 10 minutes to spare
• Not have any arguments with Muffin
• Not stress myself out about any little thing
• Try on wedding dresses to see which style best fits my body
• Cook at least 2 dinners (maybe only on weekends because during the week with school it will be way too late to eat)
• Wake up early and meet Julian Michael's in the living room for a before work workout
• Start training for my marathon I want to run (only on weekends)
• Wear makeup more often
• Try to look cute for work (at least look like I care about what I look like ;)
• Buy a new blowdryer and straightener
• Go to a pumpkin patch or fall festival with Muffin and Britt
• Have our Disney movie party
• Lose at least 10-15 lbs
• Eat in accordance to my diet
• Not fall off the wagon
• Be a better person
• save at least 300 bucks
• blog everyday

This list is for the entire month hopefully I can accomplish all of these I will update this list every Tuesday until the first Tuesday of next month when I post my new list of things I want to accomplish for the next month.
:)
Talk to you guys soon

Cure for the Monday Blues

OMG Seriously after this weekend I can definately feel Fall in my bones. Fall is my favorite time of the year hands down! I wish the Autumn/Fall season in Texas were as beautiful as in other parts of the U.S kinda like up North. But alas a girl can always dream right?! So This weeks edition for the cure we are having Fall mania because I just can contain myself ahhhhhh. Hot chocolate, picnics, long walks in great weather, scarves, sweaters, tights with shorts, oxfords, beanies, beautiful foliage, scary movie marathons, halloween parties, costumes, trick or treating, pumpkin carving, hay rides, haunted houses, halloween, pumpkin pies, pies galore, apple cider "These are a few of my favorite things..."

Plaids for Fall by lidia-solymosi featuring suede boots

 Omg incredible I get this tingly feeling all over my body and ugh I get super duper excited. I cant wait till I get out of Texas and live somewhere where I will be the one taking pictures like these *dreams*

ok bye guys happy monday. oh and by the way these pictures came from weheartit and polyvore