Wednesday, June 8, 2011

A day of tears

Wednesday, one more day has passed and we are closer to the weekend. I dont know what is up with me lately, but I definitley dont feel like being at work. I get so bored with routine, this is how I know that I dont belong in an office job. I am the type of person that needs constant change and Im definitely not going to find it in an office. I cant wait to start school, this is something that I have always been interested and I have been more interested in this subject more and more as the years go by. This year is bringing so much change for me and Iam so excited and ready for it. Today Im feeling really emotionally drained. Have you ever cried so much that you just feel so tired the next day? Like your eyes are puffy, your head hurts, and you just feel like your spirit in being weighed down? That is what I feel like today!
Last night was my nephews birthday, I almost didnt get to see him. Sometimes I wishes were real because if they were, I would ask for my sister to get her act together and start acting like an adult. I dont think she truly understand how much her actions are going to affect her children. I sometimes feel like taking wolfie and just leaving the country, running away, live our lives away from the hectic drama that his mom brings into the house. Last night I was so excited to go see my nephew and I get to the house, ready to hold him, Im so excited and I notice an unfamiliar car in the drive way. I dont even have to go in I already know who is there. Im not mentioning any names all I will say is that I have such a hate for this person, this person has hurt our family in so many ways but he is still accepted because my sister runs over everyone for this one person. I go in and my grandparents are all alone and they tell me"oh we are waiting on your mom and then we are all heading over to your sisters house to celebrate the baby" I was so upset I call her and ask her who is at her house (she lives in the back, my grandparents have a full 2 bedroom 1 bath house in the back yard) She tells me who it is, its who I suspected adn I hang up. You couldnt even believe the rage I was feeling. I couldnt go see my nephew because that person was over there. I cant be civil at times and I didnt want to start anything so I called her and told her to give him a kiss and tell him Happy Birthday for me. I left crying. I know that I said I would always be there for him and I was so angry with myself. I dont want to get into what happened but I was so upset I got to the house and I think I cried for an hour and a half I just couldnt stop myself. I love that little boy more than anything and I just wanted to see him. My mom called and convinced me to come back that everything was going to be ok, because wolfie loves me more than anything. So I did. I get there I can here him talking up a storm and just as I walk through the door he sees me drops what he is doing and runs passed everyone just to cling to my legs. I was so happy I wanted to start crying, but I couldnt let that person see me break down so I was calm and extremely happy. I held him as we sang, blew out his candles and cut the cake then my sister took him away from me and handed him to the enemy and I wanted to punch the fucking walls and tear that person apart, maybe even beat the shit out of my sister for being so stupid. Needless to say wolfie was not happy beig with the enemy and came back to me. We played around for a bit and then everyone started leaving, and I knew I couldnt stay there by myself. I wish I could have stayed a little longer, I cant stand to leave him. As soon as he saw me walk out of the house I heard him screaming and crying. Thats how I know that I am that little boys world, he loves me and I shouldnt care what anyone else thinks. God I love him so much and Iam going to try to see him more often because I dont get to see my wolfie that much and I dont want him to grow up without me in his life.
Life sometimes sucks, people in it make it so hard but my little wolfie is worth everything in the world to me!

I just want to say
"Fuck you! You will not ever tear me away from that baby, I will do anything and everything possible to get you out of our lives! You will not control our lives or hers and I can fucking promise you that!"

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy that you were talked in to going over and seeing Wolfie. As bad as that person might be, the best thing you can do for Wolfie is being a loving, attentive and totally reliable Auntie. I know that your sister is making horrendous choices for her children that make you crazy, but that doesn't mean you have to punish yourself, or Wolfie, to make a point. Put your energy and love in to him and you will be rewarded. I love you.